The Ministry of Friendship...

Often, as I read through scripture, I wonder, “When are we, the True Church, really going to start doing what God asks us to do?” Just take this passage for instance: Matthew 5:42, 46-47. Jesus says, “Give to Him who keeps on begging from you and do not turn away from him who would borrow [at interest] from you…For if you love only those who love you what reward can you have? Do not even the tax collectors do that? And if you greet only your brethren, what more than others are you doing? Do not even the Gentiles (the heathen) do that?” Now often Christians will say, “Well, I give to my church and my church helps the poor. I even help with the programs of the church that give handouts to the needy.” But is that what Jesus meant: Help with a program or a particular ministry?

It definitely seems safer to help the poor through a program so that they never really know our names or where we live or whether or not we have children. It’s a very real risk to try to help a stranger by yourself as an individual, but I have seen often in many churches and many different ministry situations, that when we help through a program there is a constant “we” and “them” mentality. There are usually reports of people from the community (“them”) who “get saved” through the program, but rarely do those people then join up with that church and become faithful members. We seem to think that if we give people something for free then they will want to come back and be with us and find out why we would do such a thing. And we plan that when they do we will tell them that it is because of the love of Christ within us for them. But does a handout show Christ’s love effectively? In my experience, very few people because of what they have received from a church or ministry then desire to be with the people of that church or ministry at any future event that does not include a handout of some sort. My personal conclusion is that a handout by itself is not enough to show the love of Christ, we need to pair it with something else – loving friendship.

In 1 Thess. 2:7-8 Paul says, “But we behaved gently when we were among you, like a devoted mother nursing and cherishing her own children. So, being thus tenderly and affectionately desirous of you, we continued to share with you not only God’s good news (the Gospel) but also our own lives as well, for you had become so very dear to us.” Are we sharing our own lives as we give handouts? Are we tenderly and affectionately sharing God’s Good News, or are we just herding people through the line so that we can get everything handed out. It seems to me that often in our outreach ministries, we talk to those who come, we feed them, and we give them the good news of the gospel of Jesus Christ, but do we, as individual servants in the body, really cross the line and make friends with people in the community that we are reaching out to, or are we just showing up to do our part? Perhaps this is why we have more converts than long-term disciples. We need to ask ourselves if we are really loving the people we say we are serving or are we just “doing ministry”? And if we’re not really loving people, then it’s no wonder that they are not coming back to participate in that love again; our handouts to them are no different than the handouts from the government.

Now this all sounds a little harsh and critical, but I am preaching to myself as much as to anyone else. I know I’m not good at loving strangers and I don’t have much desire to actually be involved in the lives of those whom I consider irresponsible. I simply do not relate well to people who don’t have the same values that I have and I’m sure that’s why God is showing me these things in scripture. It’s an area where I need to grow, but perhaps you need to grow in this area as well, so let’s continue.

If we look at the example of Jesus we can see that everything he did was personal. He did not see the crowds of people who came to him for healing and just wave his hand to heal everyone at once (even though it was certainly in his power to do so). Instead he healed each one individually. He gave them a personal experience of Himself because of His love for them. He taught and fed more than 5000 people at once, but he had those 12 disciples with whom He shared Himself daily.

The main instruction that Jesus leaves with the disciples, and with us as their spiritual descendants, is to make disciples and teach them everything that Christ has commanded us (Matt. 28:18-20). Teaching everything that Christ commanded is sure to take a long time. Again, loving friendships will be the most effective means of discipleship relationships (long-term, one-on-one or small group relationships). So why do we keep settling for hearing a salvation prayer from someone? Because it’s easier and because we can’t get them to come back for more, but if we really took the time to make friends with those we serve, and with others already in the body, then that love relationship would bring them back wanting to know more of Christ. I know we can’t all make friends with everyone who passes through a line to receive something, but we can each pray and be sensitive to the Holy Spirit while we are serving, so that God can lead us to the one or two people with whom He wants us to make friends. It we each make a couple friends and they are not just the people we randomly pick out, but instead those whom God chooses for us to invest in, then we can be sure that they will be the people whose hearts are ready for discipleship. It will most likely start out as uncomfortable and inconvenient, but God does amazing things even when He starts with nothing. Let’s trust ourselves to Him and let Him give us the love we need in order to care for and disciple others. Let’s cross the “we/them” line and pull more souls into a journey of true discipleship.

-Jenny Greene